Are Spankos More Dysfunctional Than Vanillas?

[web-ed]

O.K., here's something that I've wondered about for a long time, and I'd like to hear your opinions on the subject. Observing my fellow spankos over the years, I'd have to say that many of us (not all, of course) seem to live somewhat disordered lives. I'm not referring to the spanking part of our lives here - obviously, that's going to cause some problems unless you're very, very lucky - but the ordinary, everyday portion of our existence in which there would seem to be no a priori reason why we should be any different from non-spankos. It seems to me that there's a good deal of instability in the other parts of many spankos' lives - not very many of us seem to be in long-term, stable relationships, and we seem to have a lot of other problems like depression, obsessive or compulsive behavior, general unhappiness, etc.

Yes, some of us have happy, long-term marriages (our own Dan, Phil, and JimC on this board for instance), but after meeting many other people in the scene, I have to wonder just how we compare to the general (vanilla) population in this regard as well as many others. I'm reluctant to get into too many personal examples here, even though I would never use anyone's real name, but I'll bet most of you know what I'm talking about. It seems to me that it's the personal more than the professional life that's affected, since many of us have successful careers (or used to before the current economic crisis).

Remember, this concerns our non-spanking-related behavior only - so I get a free pass for designing the Comics Spanking Data Base, writing and coding 900 spanking-themed web pages (and counting), and going over something close to 400,000 pages of comics (including my own collection but not including strips!) looking for spankings. On the other hand, I never married (in case anyone was curious), and as for the rest of my life....yeesh! And most of the unmarried women I've spanked seemed to me to be unhappy in some way or other (some of the married women weren't too happy either, but I figured that might have to do with the husband ).

So what does everyone think? Are we more dysfunctional, less dysfunctional, or about the same as vanillas?

[samantha]

I am a newbie, and I only know one other spanko (not sure I'll ever use that term without blushing) in real life and I don't know him well. But I think most of us humans have a lot of issues. Some are more glaring than others, but they are there. I think there is a tendency for people to put on a front, to try and appear happier or more put together than we really are. In doing so, I think we do ourselves a terrible disservice. Personally, I really respect it when someone can admit they don't have it all together, can be honest about it and just be genuine. I have found a lot of comfort and stability in friendships where I have been able to be real and still accepted and cared for. Struggling in relationships, in work, in mental health and just in life IS part of life for everyone.

So, no, I don't think any particular sector of the population is any more healthy than another. Up until recently, I lived in a "bad" neighborhood for nearly 20 years of my life. We had a few drive by shootings, lots of crime, the crazy guy exposing himself on the el, all the trappings of the worst dysfunctions. But, I also have experience in a very upper middle class religious community where on the surface everything looked shiny and happy. Under the surface, though, there was substance abuse, a lot of unhappiness, materialistic outlooks, distance in relationships and manipulation of others. I mean, is that any better or worse than my "bad" neighborhood?

I wonder if your observation of disordered lives amongst spankos probably has possibly more to do with these are the people you know well and maybe who share more openly than other people you might know. I also wonder if you really care about your fellow spankos and feel some of their personal heartaches and so you notice it more (as well as noticing your own, maybe). Or, maybe I am way off base. I don't know, I tend to think all of us are a little bit broken and at the risk of sounding cheesy, that's where I think a little TLC, a little compassionate relating towards people who surround us, spankos or not, goes a long way. I think vanilla or not, we are all the same.